A Better Person because of Her

I've had something on my mind lately, and I've shared it with my roommate and close friends.  But I can't hold it in anymore.  I was raised and taught an husband/father, and my friends dads were great examples as well.  The biggest lesson I've learned from these husbands, is to treat EVERY LADY WITH RESPECT.  Don't become someone that gives a girl any kind of negative taste, by your language, actions towards, yourself, the girl, your family or his/her friends.  I was taught not to ever swear in front of lady, never yell at a lady, not even raising your voice, NEVER, EVER hit a girl, and ALWAYS open the door for her whether it's just hanging out, or on a date.  I've took this lesson and it to the "T" in my life.  But yet why does it seem that a majority of girls love being with a guy who's completely the opposite?  I don't understand it. 

       I've had the wonderful blessing to of been on several dates with one gal.  She had recently ended a 3 year relationship with her ex.  She told me that her ex was rude.  He'd call her and swear at her, call her mean names, and sometimes make her feel worthless.  As I started to date this girl, I told myself I would not treat her like this.  I'd make her happy as much as I could and I would show my love for by doing the "little" things, and make sure that I treated her with 100% respect and care that she and any girl deserves.  But as time went on we fell apart, and she grew closer to him again, and once again I was left to ponder what went wrong.  What bothered me most, was the fact that she could be going back to the same guy who put her in an emotional pit despair, a lost confusion of who she really is....all because he didn't know how precious she is, what's she's really worth, and how God really felt about her.  I don't know if he ever opened the door for her, if he ever just randomly texted her and thanked her for all she had done for him, or took that moment to just put his arm around her and hold her.  All this I was doing for her and knew it made her feel good about herself.  Now I know I'm probably making this guy sound worse than he might be.  He might be an alright guy, but from the stories she would share of how he treated her, or the one night where I saw her get teary eyed, heard her voice crack, all because this one guy couldn't calm his temper towards her.  I remember on a Sunday, when she was having a rough day, I decided to text her "10 things I LOVE about --" that week we fell apart.  We were supposed to hang out--she stood me up.  The next Sunday I went to her house and we tried to talk but came away with no resolution, and she seemed more frustrated than before  That's when I found out she was talking to her ex again.  I didn't know what to do, my confidence wavered knowing that I couldn't compete against a guy who had already won her heart once and had complete emotional control over this girl.  It KILLED me.  I was beside myself in frustration thinking....what do I have to do, to win a girl's heart? 

            A few years back I was dating a girl with almost an identical situation.  We were brought together through a friend.  We dated for 3 months, her ex during those 3 months was persistent on getting her back.  But he wasn't faithful to the church, had a profane mouth, mean temper, and brought her down emotionally and mentally.  When she first met me, she told me that I made her feel special, that I was amazing, and worth the wait, even through an abuse ex-boyfriend  I was estatic and in love--until he came back.  The ex persuaded her that I was mean, and had brainwashed her into someone she wasn't and that I was ruining her life.  She fell for it, and fell for him.  I was heartbroken.  For a week, when I'd get home from work, I'd go to my room and just bawl.  I didn't understand--I was the person who I knew I should be, the way I was raised and taught, treated her the way I knew she should be treated....but yet, it wasn't attractive to her.  What was it about these guys that girls loved of them?  Why didn't my gentlemen way of treating her overcome all the negativity she had faced in her previous relationship?  Well I think I may have the answer, it's from a lesson I once heard from one of my good friends father.  He talked about if a girl falls for a guy who doesn't live, speak, or act the way that lives up to the standard that's pleasing to our Heavenly Father, then the girl hasn't learned how to treat herself with respect.  And that's something you can't use to persuade a girl to fall in love with you.  They must learn who they are, where they came from, and what they can become, by raising the standards for themselves.  Once they do that, then they hold the people they date to a higher standard.  My example, and kind treatment to them is the best I can give.  Treating them with respect and courtesy to the very best of my ability will bring satisfaction to me, and for that time, even if it's for a brief moment, she'll feel like the Queen of England and I'll get to see her smile.  Afterwhich I just pray it sticks in her memory for the rest of her life.  I've thought about maybe becoming that "ex".  Swearing, yelling, disrespectful, unkind, inconsiderate, negative in a emotional, physical and spiritual way that lowers her self-esteem.  But then my thought turns to those examples of fathers, my own and others in my life.  Who they taught me to be, how happy their wives are because they are with that guy who loves 100% loves her with  pure intent and all his heart.  I think about the sweet guy I've been to these 2 girls whom I had the wonderful chance to date for a short time, and how happy I made them.  I refuse to stoop to a level that degrades the women in our lives.  I can't do it and I won't do it.  Whoever I'm with for all time and eternity will be cherished, and loved for the rest her life.  Just like the way I was taught.